Pomegranates are beautiful and worth the mess and maybe I’m beautiful and worth the mess.
One thing I’m certain of is that I’ve lived a thousand lives this year, so much that some of my experiences feel like they happened eons ago, the kind of experiences that will make great for a tragic novel, a true horror story…maybe we can term it as a true shit show of some sort.
But even shit shows have moments of humor and silver linings and truth is I found that with my friends.
The people I choose to have in my corner. It’s been absolutely incredible knowing I have them by my side.
My definition of love is them by every standard.
Love is a choice and an inconvenience and I’m glad to know they made me that choice so much that I’m worth the inconvenience.
The inconvenience of staying up with me while I cry myself to sleep
The inconvenience of creating space in their space to have me there
The inconvenience of consideration
The inconvenience of traveling hours just to see me smile or hanging out because I #neededthat.
There’s so many forms of care , affection and support I’ve experienced this year that made the shit show bearable.
It’s in the way they understand when I need space
It’s in the way they know when I need to be held
It’s in the comfortable silence .
It’s in the way they can read me like their favorite books and still find me just as intriguing as the day we first met .
It’s in how I know there’s no me without them, they’re my yellow.
It’s in the way my mask falls off and I’m allowed to breathe
And it’s in the way I’m corrected and shown grace despite my shortcomings.
I know I’m a workload and not an easy one at that; I find myself as a paradox, a little bit too self aware for my own good, yet a varying contradiction.
One thing I’ve asked a lot this year is why me??? Why do they find me worth the stress? Why still choose me ?
And sometimes I think maybe like them I’d do the same , maybe to them I find them worth the inconvenience, but that’s not my story to tell.
If someone should ask me what love is??? I’ll jump and scream my friends.
I’ve experienced love that transcends distance and time and all the space in between. Love that takes me back to the 5 years old girl whose favorite thing was being thrown in the air only to be caught by arms that felt safe in my landing.
I’m allowed to get high off this love without fear of falling because it’s safe where I land.
Love resides here and I’m glad despite how terrible this year was, from the half glass full perspective I know I’m loved maybe more than I think I deserve to.
